I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There was a lot of him and a little penis
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
