My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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