loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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