i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
