im drinking this country out of the recession.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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