Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
