1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
