The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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