you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
