Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Come share oat with me in your robe
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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