true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
