thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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