Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
