I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found puke in my bra..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
