Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize