I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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