The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
