I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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