Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
