Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
