I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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