I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
