It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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