I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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