I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize