Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
