What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
