I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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