Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
