the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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