She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
