I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
