Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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