you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
