It's just like the Real World with babies
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
