Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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