Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
