ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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