Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
