I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
