something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think a kid would responsible me up
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If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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