I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
