She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
