he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
