Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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