I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
