Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
