You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
