Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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