She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
