I think I am morally bankrupt
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
