You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
