I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
