genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
