saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
