During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
