lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
