3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
