just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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