I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
