you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
