How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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