OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
